im sitting in the server room at the studio, where it is perpetually 64 degrees, or cooler.\u00c2\u00a0 there is an industrial AC unit that runs 24\/7.\u00c2\u00a0 even in the winter.<\/p>\n
i kinda figured out how to deal w\/ the hot flashes and pins and needles when i wait for the subway.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 it seems to happen every time i go into the subway, about 45 to 90 seconds after i walk onto the subway platform.\u00c2\u00a0 so i decided today to just hang out at the top of the stairs until the train was passing.\u00c2\u00a0 then i shuffled down the stairs into the subway.\u00c2\u00a0 no pins and needles on the subway platform.<\/p>\n
BUT<\/p>\n
the pins and needles hit with a fucking vengence at the very end of the bus ride over to the west side highway.\u00c2\u00a0 i unbuttoned my shirt, and was scratching at at my stomach, and arms and legs like crazy.\u00c2\u00a0 it seems they have turned off the AC on the buses, or mbe just this one.\u00c2\u00a0 my body just flat out freaked on me.<\/p>\n
i got to the studio, and couldn’t get the AC working.\u00c2\u00a0 went up to the kitchen looking for some ice; just the other day, the freezer was full of ice, but today it was empty save one sketchy looking 3 x 4 inch ice pack.\u00c2\u00a0 i rubbed it all over my arms and belly, only to discover it had frozen soda on it, or something.\u00c2\u00a0 so then i washed in the sink.\u00c2\u00a0 what a sticky mess.<\/p>\n
it was weird storming around the lab trying to make the AC work, trying not to cry, trying to figure out how to get some food (i called for takeout, but no one was picking up their phone) and everyone was either on the phone or had their earphones on.\u00c2\u00a0 i wanted help, but i was embarrassed to ask for help b\/c i didn’t want to have explain or something, and everyone was in “ignoring mode.”\u00c2\u00a0 it is my responsibility to ask, but sometimes you just want someone to notice you, and ask if you need help.\u00c2\u00a0 old-lady-on-the-bus syndrome.<\/p>\n
so here i am in the server room.\u00c2\u00a0 my assistant is out standing in line at the sandwich shop getting food.<\/p>\n
EL called right when i sat down in the server room, and i was breaking down and crying.\u00c2\u00a0 and he gave me a good talking to about how i can’t let myself freak out over external pressures.\u00c2\u00a0 my health is more important than anything anyone could ask of me to do.\u00c2\u00a0 No deadline is as important as my health.\u00c2\u00a0 Gosh… deadline == dead line.\u00c2\u00a0 um.\u00c2\u00a0 that’s morbid wordplay.\u00c2\u00a0 but maybe it will help me focus on not letting the deadlines takeover.<\/p>\n
Its really hard.\u00c2\u00a0 I’ve started so many things that are in motion that are controlling my time.\u00c2\u00a0 I mean this book i’m working on, I started it over a year ago.\u00c2\u00a0 there are a bunch of things like that, which I can’t get out of, are already set in motion, and involved at least one other collaborator, if not a team of people.\u00c2\u00a0 and there are things like a printer deadline and the fact that the book is already up on amazon.\u00c2\u00a0 seeing the book on amazon really freaked me out.\u00c2\u00a0 that made the deadline real in this whole other way.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
im sitting in the server room at the studio, where it is perpetually 64 degrees, or cooler.\u00c2\u00a0 there is an industrial AC unit that runs 24\/7.\u00c2\u00a0 even in the winter. i kinda figured out how to deal w\/ the hot flashes and pins and needles when i wait for the subway.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 it seems to happen … Continue reading Freezing out the pain<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[51,41,26,49,50,13],"class_list":["post-144","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily-update","tag-anxiety","tag-back-to-daily-life","tag-comfort","tag-food","tag-pins-and-needles","tag-side-effects"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=144"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/144\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=144"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=144"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=144"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}