{"id":4,"date":"2008-06-17T23:27:48","date_gmt":"2008-06-18T06:27:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/?p=4"},"modified":"2008-06-17T23:27:48","modified_gmt":"2008-06-18T06:27:48","slug":"first-day-chemo-report","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/?p=4","title":{"rendered":"First day chemo report"},"content":{"rendered":"

my aunt (who has been doing chemo for two years for lung cancer) told me to “visualize building walls”<\/p>\n

i went into this part of the hospital where they have a lot of big kinda-comfy chairs, they hook me up w\/ an IV and put in 1 litre of saline solution. towards the end of that, they piggy-back on the Interferon.\u00c2\u00a0 all told it takes about 3 hours. a lot of time<\/p>\n

then i went home and waited for “it” to hit, whatever “it” was going to be. “it” ended up being headache, and really feverish joint aches.\u00c2\u00a0 followed by chills, and then a nasty fever w\/ sweats. it totally sucked around midnight – chills alternating w\/ fever – sweated out my bed.\u00c2\u00a0 but i feel today just kind of hungover.\u00c2\u00a0 supposedly the chills drop off and the fatigue builds over time.<\/p>\n

today’s thinking: i can do this<\/strong><\/p>\n

when i went in i did the breathing meditation i was working on w\/ my massage\/healer person.\u00c2\u00a0 i did it to brian eno’s music for airports<\/a>, which is probably my ‘desert island album.’\u00c2\u00a0 it is nothing but perfectly syncopated arrhythmical tape loops of pianos and other synths.\u00c2\u00a0 and so calming.\u00c2\u00a0 though some people cant stand it.<\/p>\n

then i switched to the first half of the jack kornfield<\/a> meditation for beginners cds that a fam friend gave me.\u00c2\u00a0 i did the breathing meditation.\u00c2\u00a0 and mindfulness.\u00c2\u00a0 and then right when it ended and he rang a bell and i opened my eyes, the nurse was approaching to talk to me.\u00c2\u00a0 timing = perfect.<\/p>\n

she stopped by to tell me about the chemo drugs.\u00c2\u00a0 the interferon.\u00c2\u00a0 its interesting.\u00c2\u00a0 in nyc they never used the word chemo.\u00c2\u00a0 here they only use the word chemo.\u00c2\u00a0 i can’t tell if it is some kind of technical\/chemical differentiation, or a philosophical\/emotional diff.\u00c2\u00a0 like the nyc’ers are all about denial and pretending it isn’t what it is.\u00c2\u00a0 and pdx is all about just calling it what it is.\u00c2\u00a0 but isn’t that a flip for what i would expect?<\/p>\n

she kept telling me how expensive the drugs were.\u00c2\u00a0 each daily dosage is $9,000.\u00c2\u00a0 insurance covers it.\u00c2\u00a0 but $9K.\u00c2\u00a0 crazy.<\/p>\n

yesterday, about 3 hrs before i went in, something clicked.\u00c2\u00a0 and all of a sudden i had no more anxiety.\u00c2\u00a0 all of a sudden it was ‘game on’.\u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0 like i felt 3hrs before a big soccer match, or a ski race.\u00c2\u00a0 i was prepared, calm, collected, and ready to kick ass.\u00c2\u00a0 i was walking on the balls of my feet w\/ a spring in my step.\u00c2\u00a0 bring it on.<\/p>\n

i used to be a competitive ski racer (in college.)\u00c2\u00a0 skin-tight downhill suit. helmets.\u00c2\u00a0 and very very fast descents down icy icy steep slopes.\u00c2\u00a0 i was pretty good.\u00c2\u00a0 i never won anything but considering i was racing against ppl who were ex-world cup racers and ex-olympians (25 year old romanians and czech olympians who came to obscure US colleges on skiing scholarships), it is understandable why i never won… LOL.<\/p>\n

ski race pr0n attached below.\u00c2\u00a0 this is mbe 10 yrs old.\u00c2\u00a0 someone sent it to me about two weeks ago. first pic i have ever had of my skiing, really.\u00c2\u00a0 many were taken, but none got to me.\u00c2\u00a0 here it is 10 yrs later…\u00c2\u00a0 its hard to tell b\/c the shutter speed was so high, but i was prob doing about 45mph at that moment.<\/p>\n

off i go for day two.\u00c2\u00a0 it will be at 230 every day, for the next four weeks.<\/p>\n

m<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

my aunt (who has been doing chemo for two years for lung cancer) told me to “visualize building walls” i went into this part of the hospital where they have a lot of big kinda-comfy chairs, they hook me up w\/ an IV and put in 1 litre of saline solution. towards the end of … Continue reading First day chemo report<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[10,12,11,8,13],"class_list":["post-4","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily-update","tag-chemo","tag-fight","tag-interferon","tag-meditation","tag-side-effects"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}