I definitely think that something is up w\/ my chemistry. I don’t know if it is because I am still jet lagged, or because today is day two of reduced lexapro, or both, but I’m definitely having a serious case of the Four O’Clocks. I can’t really focus my eyes. I’m kind of in doldrums. I went for a bike ride to try to energize myself. I rode myself pretty hard. I’m a little numb now, but I’m still pretty damn out of it.<\/p>\n
I’ve been working all day. Today is the first day back in the work saddle since i got back from Europe. But I keep thinking about this article O sent me about slowing down<\/a>. Dana Jennings writes in his nytimes Cancer blog:<\/p>\n But recovery means wholeness: mind, body and spirit. And I reached a point last summer and fall when I realized that even though I was back at work, once again juking and stutter-stepping my way through the streets of Manhattan, I hadn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t recovered at all.<\/p>\n I thought I had weathered the trauma of diagnosis and treatment, thought I was ready to focus on the future. But my body disagreed.<\/p>\n Physically, I was game, but I soon realized I was going through the motions as I became more and more tired. I felt like a spinning quarter about to nod to gravity and wobble to the tabletop. Mentally, I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t focus: I became shawled in the monochromes of depression. And spiritually, I wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t angry \u00e2\u20ac\u201d I did want to know what this cancer could teach me \u00e2\u20ac\u201d but just right then I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t make sense of my cancer-blasted interior landscape.<\/p>\n I hated to admit it, but I had to excuse myself from the day-in and the day-out if I wanted to fully heal, if I wanted to recover.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I was running too fast O sent it for me to slow down. I feel like I have to work harder to clear my plate so I can then rest.\u00c2\u00a0 But it doesn’t work that way does it…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I definitely think that something is up w\/ my chemistry. I don’t know if it is because I am still jet lagged, or because today is day two of reduced lexapro, or both, but I’m definitely having a serious case of the Four O’Clocks. I can’t really focus my eyes. I’m kind of in doldrums. … Continue reading a bad case of the four o’clocks<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[41,72,29],"class_list":["post-487","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-daily-update","tag-back-to-daily-life","tag-recovery","tag-tired"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=487"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":489,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/487\/revisions\/489"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=487"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=487"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/melanarrative.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=487"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}