Day: September 14, 2008

A couple of months ago, AW sent me an email that I meant to respond to.  She basically asked me what was keeping me going:

d)Your grace through this whole thing amazes me, I think I would of just went into a ball and would have completely stopped functioning entirely
e) Someone told me this when I was 19 and the doctors told me I was going to die and for some reason I think of it now a lot when things are tough, even though I’m not religious I find it comforting “God only gives you want you can handle”

I finally finished my response to her:

I guess that there are two things that keep me going: Neitzche and Beckett.  (LOL)

I was probably in 10th or 11th  grade when I first heard a bastardized version of Neitzche’s quote “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”  It is totally fraught, but really something i have lived by.  i have really pushed myself in my life.  really to the edge mentally and physically.

one semester in college i worked so hard (and was so strung out on caffeine) i collapsed and spent a week in the hospital.  fever was 104. but after i got better i think i was stronger for it.  though, i always worried there might have been some brain damage.  i never was able to pull all-nighters again.

In Waiting for Godot Estragon says “I can’t go on like this” and Vladimir says “That’s what you think.”  Sometimes it is translated “That’s what you say.”   But actually the French is “On dit ca”  or “One says that.”  Which I think is a subtle difference.  But really, what else am I going to do?  I’m waiting.  But i’m not just sitting around waiting.  I’m actively waiting.  For what, who knows.  Godot?  The White Light? The Singularity?  The End of Oil?  Whatevs.  I’m just trying to keep myself entertained while I wait.