On Mar 15, 2009, at 12:27 PM, PD wrote:
i think b/c your studio work seems productive i assumed that you were feeling better. but i know you well enough to know that i might have been off on that assumption.
Yeah, duh! Of course it is all a front. It is all a way of me thinking that I am okay. Studio production is up, therefore I must be okay. Both telling the outside world, and telling myself. If I keep acting like I am fine I will be fine. (Lie.)
But these last two months have been really hard. And i’ve worn myself down.
And I’m pretty much going to spend the day in bed today. sick to my stomach. exhausted. my skin is falling apart.
I had the same thought about production but then I realize you are like my brother (if I had one) which means the worst I feel the more I do to distract myself.
mass productivity in the Type A Family is never a good sign
rest up, you have been kicking so much ass you could take months off and still be ahead of me.
you should stay in bed all day more often. esp. now that your borg avatar is keeping busy on the ferry, you can afford to let your human body slack off a little. Maybe the oracle needs to start approving leaving the house.
Is it OK to wake up now?
NO.
“Mass productivity in the Type A Family is never a good sign.”
Very well-put, Addwag!
I think I/we give sometimes because we are afraid… afraid people will not like us/respect us/honor us if we don’t, that we won’t be generous if we don’t, that we will be forgotten.
Sometimes we don’t have it in us, but we are afraid to let go, to trust that just being who and how we actually are (regardless of the physical state) is enough. . .
thats the really hard part- to trust we are enough.