Today I finished week 39, which leaves 13 weeks to go. I am 75% done. I am starting the last lap. 3/4 seems like a lot, and yet so far at the same time. But I think this part will move fast.
My oncologist has warned me of several things:
1. it was going to get harder through months 6-9, and then stay about the same, or maybe *feel* a little bit better for the last three months. It is unclear whether this is the body adapting on a physical basis, or a psychological basis, but it feels like it will be true.
2. he warned me that my anxiety would continue to increase as I approached the end of the treatment. That part would crescendo, only to disappear completely within two or three days of the last injection. I can say for sure that my anxiety is ramping up. So much that I am starting to notice the anxiety transform into paranoia. O has noticed it too. Little things, like misreading emails, or worrying too much about a botched communication as symbolic of some other relational disconnect. Plus I am still kind of irritable from the IFN and the Atarax (that I am taking every few days as needed), so I don’t have that much patience.
anyway, 13 weeks left. Three months. The bulk of the last month of which I will be in Portland. So two+ months. The weeks just go by.
39 weeks is an interesting number. Its the number of weeks it typically takes for a baby to develop and be born. So really, in a way, it makes me wonder if your 39 weeks is some sort of timeline or way or chance you were given of reinventing or recreating or redefining yourself..? (not to get all hippy but the number was sticking in my head)
I guess what I am trying to say is you have come an insanely long way in an insanely short time, . .